Candace Read online

  Three

  * * *

  NORMALLY, CHRISTMAS WAS CANDACE’S FAVORITE TIME of year. It was the one time of the year that Mommy and Daddy could be relied upon to get along without quarreling—when the Parker family seemed happy. Every year, Daddy would take them to Beverly Tree Farm to find the perfect tree. And then they’d all climb into the attic to bring down the boxes of decorations. Then there was the ritual of sorting through ornaments from generations of Parkers and Swifts, Mommy gently cradling each one and sharing the history again, year after year, before gingerly handing them over to Candace and Sara to hang them, just so. Then there was the issue of tinsel. Sara tossed the tinsel all over the place, so that it landed in huge clumps that clung to the larger branches. At that point Mommy would swoop in to separate the clumps into individual strands and Candace would step out of the fray, relaxing on the couch with a bowl of Hershey’s kisses and watch Mommy make everything perfect.

  This year was different. Candace was distracted; she couldn’t put her iPhone down, anxiously hoping and praying for a text. What is Danilo doing right now?

  The doorbell rang. Sara answered it and returned to the living room with a slender FedEx box.

  “What’s that? Mommy asked.

  “It’s for Candace,” Sara said.

  “Let me see,” Candace said. She jumped up and grabbed the box out of Sara’s hands, tearing it open to find an elegantly wrapped package. She read the card. “Thinking of you. Danilo.”

  Oh my God, Danilo sent me a gift. Her heart raced. He likes me! Then horror set it. I didn’t send him anything!

  “What is it, Candace?” Mommy said.

  “It’s from a boy at school,” Candace said.

  “A boy?” Sara said. “You haven’t said anything about a boy! Must tell!”

  “Oh, Mommy!” Candace cried. “I didn’t get him anything. What should I do?”

  “Well, who is this boy?” Mommy said.

  “Danilo. He’s an Italian exchange student. We met in September but only recently became friends—last week, actually. I can’t believe he sent me a gift. That’s so unfair! What do I do now?”

  “Well, you say thank you. You’re not obligated to give him a gift. You’ve only just become friends,” Mommy said.

  Mothers give such terrible advice.

  Sara had a better idea. “Let’s open it and then FedEx him something back.”

  Candace texted, Ur package arrived :)

  He replied, Merry Xmas :)

  Candace gently removed the tape and peeled back the wrapping paper.

  It was a vinyl LP—the soundtrack to Garden State.

  “Oh shit! What do we do now?” Candace said.

  Sara was full of suggestions. “Cerulean Salt by Waxahatchee or Are We There by Sharon Von Etten or James Blake by James Blake or Inni by Sigur Ros or For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver.”

  “Seriously?” Candace said. “You rock! Which one, which one?”

  “Um, I’m thinking Bon Iver. He’ll think you’re a real hipster, not some chubby dork who’s never seen an indie band,” Sara said.

  “Gee, thanks,” Candace said, punching Sara in the arm.

  The girls ran upstairs to Sara’s room and ordered the album off of vinylloop.com.

  “Vinyl Loop? How do you know about these things, little sister?” Candace punched Sara in the arm again.

  “Ouch!” Sara said. “You’re so out of it, all isolated up there in your snooty boarding school.”

  The girls huddled together over the keyboard to place the order, gift-wrapped with overnight delivery to the address on the FedEx package.

  “What if this isn’t where his cousin lives?” Candace asked.

  Sara MapQuested 53 Howard Street. “Yup, that’s in SoHo. This has to be the right place.”

  Sara hit PLACE ORDER and they both let out a squeal of delight.

  “Now we wait,” Candace said.

  The next morning at breakfast, Candace was glued to her phone.

  “What time does FedEx deliver?” she asked.

  “Well, that depends,” Mommy said. “Did you order morning or afternoon delivery?”

  “Shit!” Candace hissed at Sara. “Did we order morning or afternoon?”

  “We ordered Priority—what is that, morning or afternoon?” Sara said.

  “It should arrive by ten thirty.” Mommy looked up at the clock. “Any minute.”

  Ping, Candace’s phone displayed a message alert.

  Ur package arrived. I put it under the tree, Danilo texted.

  Me too, Candace lied.

  What are you doing today? she texted.

  Ice skating in Bryant Park. Maybe a movie later, he replied. And you?

  Mani-pedi with Sis and old friends from middle school. Maybe a movie later.

  Have fun, Danilo texted.

  You too. Ciao, she replied.

  But Candace couldn’t have fun. Danilo’s life seemed so much more exciting than hers. She wished she were spending Christmas in New York with his rich relatives, shopping for luxury goods in SoHo and dining out every night. She imagined walking through Central Park as snow fell in the fading light of the day. Maybe there is a dog in the picture. Yes, certainly a dog! A Dalmatian—or a Great Dane—we have a big dog because we live in a big loft in SoHo. And on Christmas Eve we’ll meet all of our rich relatives at Balthazar’s for a huge feast and the walls will be all twinkly with little white lights and people on the street will gaze through the windows with envy.

  “My life sucks,” Candace groused. She and Sara sat side by side, drying their nails at the salon.

  “If your life sucks, that means my life sucks too,” Sara replied. “And my life definitely doesn’t suck. You know my volleyball team is going to nationals, right?”

  “No,” Candace said. “Your life is blessed. Look at you, all tall and athletic. You’re the captain of every fucking sports team at Brookline High. And look at me—all short and marshmallow-y. I’m captain of nothing.”

  “At least you’re going to Princeton,” Sara said. “That’s not nothing. Daddy is thrilled!”

  “Of course he’s thrilled,” Candace said darkly. “That’s his dream, not mine.”

  “What is your dream?” Sara asked.

  Candace thought about that. Nobody had ever asked her that before. Ever since she was ten years old, Daddy had been talking about Princeton. Even before Candace knew what the Ivy League was she knew that Princeton was the best college in the universe. And she was going to go there, if Daddy had any say in the matter.

  “I don’t know,” Candace said. “Go to a college where I’m not the fattest, poorest girl on campus? Do you know what it’s like being surrounded by ridiculously rich, skinny bitches?”

  “There are plenty of rich, skinny bitches at Brookline High,” Sara said.

  “Well, at least you got the skinny part right,” Candace said.

  When Christmas morning arrived, Candace got another text.

  Bon Iver? Danilo texted. Wow! Love it! How did you know I’m into vinyl?

  Because—duh—you sent ME vinyl. But then she realized that she supposedly hadn’t opened the package until just now.

  Candace yelled to Sara, “What do I say, what do I say?”

  Sara grabbed the phone and texted back, I guess we have more in common than we knew.

  And then a second text, I LOVE Garden State! Can’t wait to see you in January.

  He replied with a smiley face.

  Candace grabbed the phone back. “What? I can’t wait to see you! What have you done?”

  Sara collapsed in a fit of giggles and Candace pummeled her with a throw pillow.

  Four

  * * *

  CANDACE WAS NERVOUS AND ELATED TO RETURN TO campus. Daddy drove her back to school in his battered Subaru.

  “Thanks, Daddy!” Candace grabbed her bag and slammed the hatchback.

  “Wait! Two hours in traffic to get up here? I thought we’d grab lunch or something?” Daddy sa
id.

  “Sorry, Daddy. Molly texted me—she said there is a party to go to. I need to unpack and get changed.” She threw him a kiss. “Thanks for the ride. Love you!” Candace felt Daddy’s eyes observing her in the rearview mirror as he pulled out. Candace did not look back.

  Candace entered her room to find Molly sprawled on the bed.

  “How was your Christmas?” Candace asked.

  “Hellish! My luggage got lost. I had to sit in the condo for days while everyone was out skiing. Then a huge storm blew through and we lost power. Fucking freezing!” Molly said.

  “I’m so sorry. Mine was nice, thanks for asking,” Candace said. “Danilo sent me a vinyl album.”

  “Who? The Italian guy? No shit! He gave you a gift? You two are an item?” Molly asked. “When did this happen?”

  “I know!” Candace said. “I’m so nervous about seeing him this week. What do you think? Are we a couple?”

  “Shit, yeah! If he gave you a Christmas present,” Molly said. “That’s a commitment. What did you give him?”

  “I FedExed him a Bon Iver vinyl,” Candace said.

  “Bon Iver? Really? I underestimated you, my roomie,” Molly said.

  “It was my little sister Sara’s idea,” Candace said. “At fifteen she is cooler than me, really.”

  “You set the bar pretty low, my roomie, pretty darn low,” Molly said. “Kids today! You want to go down to the dining hall and see who’s back?”

  What a bitch, she thought. Can’t she say one nice thing to me? But she dutifully followed Molly downstairs.

  Ping, Candace’s phone displayed a message alert.

  R U back? It was Danilo.

  Ya, she replied.

  Meet me in the dining hall?

  Heading down now, she texted.

  Molly and Candace rounded the corner and there he was. Molly peeled away.

  “Hi Danilo. See you later, C,” Molly said.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi,” she said. Okay, this is like the dumbest conversation ever! What would Sara say?

  “Bon Iver, huh?” he asked.

  “I hope you really liked it and weren’t just saying that.” Well, how is he supposed to answer that? she wondered. Geez!

  He laughed and she relaxed. They walked together into the dining hall and entered the queue.

  While they ate, Danilo made small talk, chatting about his holiday in New York. What they had done, where they had gone, what designer products they had purchased. Candace sat silently smiling and nodding. She didn’t say much, but then again he hadn’t asked her a single question about her holiday. And then when he was done with his meal, Danilo said, “Ciao,” and walked away. Just like that. Candace didn’t know what to think. First he sends a Christmas gift and then he texts: can’t wait to see you. Oh wait, that was me! Dammit Sara!

  But then it happened again the next day. Danilo materialized by her side in the lunch line and sat with her. And again, he talked about his day, his classes, his demanding parents. Candace wasn’t sure exactly how it happened but she started taking it for granted that they would eat lunch together every day. And study together in the library. Then it turned into a standing date every Friday. On Friday at lunch they checked out the listings for campus performances—music, comedy, dance, theater, maybe a movie—they would pick something and go together. And at the end of the evening, Danilo walked Candace back to her dorm.

  Candace felt beautiful every time Danilo looked at her. That had never happened to her before. She was becoming someone she had always envied. Someone with a boyfriend. She had never had a boyfriend before. There were so many things she didn’t understand. What was the protocol? Who would make the first move? Her friends back home hadn’t dated any more than she had. There was no one that she could talk to about Danilo.

  But then this one time, as they walked together along the sidewalk, he stopped abruptly and spun Candace toward the plate glass window of the building entrance. He grabbed her hands from behind and swung them up above her head and then down. Up and down, like a standing jumping jack. She giggled and squealed, “What are you doing?” And then she caught sight of her reflection in the glass, her muffin top belly peeking out from under her tee shirt with each swing. Her face reddened and she jerked her arms away from him. “Stop it!” Is he making fun of me? she wondered. Is this an innocent flirtation, or something more sinister?

  She wanted to get away from him; she thought about running back to her dorm, but that would be so awkward. So she walked with him in silence and when they reached the lobby, he took her hand as he always did, swung it childishly to and fro and said goodnight. Like always, like nothing had happened. Maybe nothing had. Candace was confused.

  It became more and more awkward, the nightly parting in the lobby of her dorm. At first it involved interlaced fingers, then a clumsy hug, then a chaste peck and finally a goodnight kiss that became the norm. But she could never shake the nagging memory of the weird jumping-jack episode.

  Of course, eventually the kisses became longer, wetter and gradually involved tongue. This was all new to Candace; the physical desire mixed with fear created a heightened sense of excitement. Her parents had never talked to her about going too far with a boy. She was the daughter they never worried about. She was the sensible one. There was no reason to waste their time talking to the daughter who didn’t date.

  “Do you want to come up to my room?” Danilo finally asked.

  Candace had been waiting for this moment since the day before Christmas break. He likes me! She immediately thought that she should run back to her room and take a shower. What if my pits stink?

  “Um, sure,” she said.

  The first time Danilo tried to unbutton her blouse she wouldn’t let him. She pushed his hand away and kissed him. The trouble was, she didn’t want to stop him. Everywhere he touched her felt wonderful, like some sort soft, hot glow. But eventually she pulled herself away and made some excuse to leave.

  After a few weeks she didn’t stop him, anymore. She didn’t care. When he stroked her breasts and when he slid his finger inside her panties, she didn’t want him to quit, she wanted them to stay where they were forever. It felt wonderful. She’d never realized how wonderful it would feel.

  Candace and Danilo trudged through the snow blanketing the Meadow on their way to math class in Lindsay Hall.

  “I hate snow,” Danilo said.

  “Really?” Candace said. “This is kind of awkward, then. I should have asked earlier, but my parents wanted to know if you would like to go skiing with us in Vermont over spring break?” She’d been practicing this for weeks and hoped she sounded casual and nonchalant.

  “I don’t mind the snow in the mountains. I just don’t want to have to deal with it every day,” Danilo said.

  They walked together for a few minutes and Danilo still hadn’t answered the question. “So. . . what do you think?” Candace asked. She hoped she didn’t sound desperate.

  “That’s very kind of your parents,” Danilo said. “My cousin is expecting me in New York but I’m sure he’d rather I find somewhere else to go.”

  “So, you’ll come?” she said.

  “Sure, why not?” he said.

  Candace didn’t know what to think. Sure, why not? He doesn’t sound very excited.

  Five

  * * *

  CANDACE WAS MORTIFIED WHEN DADDY INFORMED HER THAT they would be driving to Vermont.

  “In the Subaru?” she cried.

  “Is there something wrong with the Subaru? I took out a second mortgage to send you to that hoity-toity school and now you’re too good for us? This is the thanks I get?”

  “I’m sorry, Daddy,” Candace said. “But, how are we all going to fit? Three of us in the back seat for five hours? What if we just met you up there?”

  “Who is going to pay for that? This condo is costing me an arm and a leg. Your mother insisted on a skiing vacation this year. Good God, with the lift tickets and the condo rental
, do you know what this is costing me? Now I’m supposed to rent a minivan?”

  “Could you, Daddy? With the skis and the bags and five of us and all, don’t you think we’ll need a bigger car?”

  “Oh my God, you’re just like your mother! George, buy me this, we need that, can’t we have something bigger?”

  Candace had already tuned him out.

  “Fine!” he shouted.

  The line went dead. He had hung up her. Candace had won. Now what to wear?

  Danilo seems to like me just the way I am. Pleasingly plump, voluptuous, curvy? Maybe that is his thing? But she knew she looked like an over-stuffed sausage in her spandex ski bib. She opted for jeans, turtleneck sweaters in a rainbow of pastel colors and an oversized pastel down jacket.

  On Saturday morning, Candace stood in the parking lot with her suitcase, nervously waiting for Danilo to arrive. He appeared with his oversized luggage and his Rosignol skis in a custom case. Silently she thanked her father for springing for the minivan. Danilo’s baggage would have never fit into the Subaru.

  “Bella mia.” Danilo leaned in and gave her a wet kiss. Her heart raced.

  “This should be a fun trip,” she said. “But, I’ve warned you about my parents. I’m not sure they really like me.”

  “Candace, please, parents suck,” he said. “Mine text me from London or Shanghai or Milan. They are so busy with their lives, I don’t even know why they ever bothered to have children. They don’t speak to each other, and they haven’t spoken to me in months. I am nothing to them.”

  Candace felt really sad for him. Her parents were cold and demanding but it would be much worse if they just ignored her.

  Daddy pulled up in a Cadillac Escalade and Candace immediately regretted asking him to rent a car. Both her parents were decked out in brand new parkas. What have I done? I’ll be hearing about this for months. “Do you know what that cost me? Plus the upgrade to the deluxe condo? I hope this boy is worth it!”