Candace Read online

  “What’s the easiest?” Candace said. “I mean the one I’m least likely to screw up?”

  “I’d recommend an Ortho Evra patch. Most girls find it easy to use. You put on a new patch once a week for three weeks in a row. A lot of girls wear them on their hipbone or on their lower back. In the fourth week, you don’t wear a patch and that week you should have a period. You always change your patch on the same day. Sound good?”

  Candace nodded and Dr. Rosenberg wrote the prescription.

  “Now be sure to use this along with condoms,” she said, handing Candace the slip of paper. “This patch won’t protect you from STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea or herpes. I want you to schedule a follow-up appointment for next month so we can see how well you’re tolerating the medication.”

  As Candace got dressed she thought about what Dr. Rosenberg had said about STDs. Herpes would be the worst! She marched out of the clinic determined to talk to Danilo about using a condom and completely forgot about leaving a urine sample.

  That evening in the dining hall, Danilo and Candace sat down where Molly and a group of her friends were talking about spring break.

  “Hey, Candy, what do you think about the Bahamas?” Molly said. “My brother’s team is competing in a regatta and they need volunteers.”

  “Volunteers to do what?” asked Danilo.

  “Oh you know, help with the boats, flags, judging, all kinds of stuff,” said Molly.

  “Where would we stay?” asked Candace.

  “The team is being hosted by local families,” Molly said. “We’ll be assigned to a family; they even feed us. All we need to pay for is airfare and our bar tab.”

  Danilo grinned broadly. “We’re in!”

  “You are?” Candace said. “I mean, we are?”

  “Don’t worry, kid.” Danilo said. “If you need some help with the airfare, I can lend you some money.”

  “Oh. Okay. I guess it sounds like fun,” Candace said, wondering if she should tell her parents or make up another story. She was still worrying over it when Danilo dropped her back at her dorm. But then her concern turned to what she was going to wear.

  In the end, she told her parents that Danilo had invited her to the Bahamas and left it at that. Mommy even offered to take her shopping for beach clothes, so Candace booked a train to Boston for the following weekend.

  Mommy met Candace at South Station and did not even try to hide her disgust.

  “Candace! You look like a stuffed sausage!” Mommy gasped.

  “Geez, Mommy,” Candace said, tears in her eyes.

  “You must have put on ten pounds, just since Christmas,” Mommy went on.

  “Mommy, people are looking.”

  “Who is looking?” Mommy asked. Then she turned to a couple of middle-aged women who were standing nearby and said, “Mind your own business!”

  “Mommy, not them. Other people. Please, can we talk about this at home?”

  “What about Lord and Taylor?” Mommy said. “I want to go to Lord and Taylor and check out the sale.”

  “I’m tired now, Mommy,” Candace said. “Can we go tomorrow?”

  “We’ll have to shop in the plus-size section,” Mommy muttered. “Alright, tomorrow. Nothing but cottage cheese and fruit for you tonight, young lady.”

  After a day of humiliation in the mirrored changing rooms at Lord and Taylor, Candace was even more self-conscious about her body. She decided to pack only gym shorts and baggy tee shirts for the trip. I’ll explain to everyone that I forgot to pack my bathing suit.

  Eight

  * * *

  WHEN THEY LANDED IN THE BAHAMAS, CANDACE, MOLLY and the others took a taxi to the yacht club where the party was well under way. Men of all ages were congregated in the open-air bar and around the pool, drinking Bahama Mamas and rum punch.

  “Where are the girls?” Candace asked.

  “We are the girls,” Molly replied.

  Molly spotted her brother, Nick, at the bar and waved. “I’m going to go get us some drinks.”

  Candace looked around and realized that she was alone. Molly’s friends, Courtney and Lindsey, were sitting on the deck on the opposite side of the pool dangling their legs in the water, skinny girls in their bikinis, surrounded by a gaggle of strange boys flexing their bare pecs. Danilo was nowhere in sight. She wandered over toward the group and heard someone say,

  “What is she doing here? Please tell me she’s not coming out on the boat tomorrow.”

  Someone else said, “Oh God, can you imagine that in a bathing suit?” Everyone laughed.

  Pretending she hadn’t seen them, Candace made a detour toward the bar and found a seat at the far end. There was a man nearby.

  “Hey, doll, you here for the regatta?” He introduced himself as Sam. “Let me buy you a beer?”

  Sam was ancient, in his forties, Candace thought. He was sunburned and balding, but kind of dapper in his Margaritaville shirt, flip-flops and Gap shorts that were frayed at the hems. He was also unsteady on his feet. He seems harmless, she thought. So she accepted the beer and took a big gulp.

  “Good race, today?” Sam said.

  “We just got here. I think our team is racing tomorrow,” Candace said. She took another long gulp.

  “What team are you with?” Sam asked.

  “Do you know Nick Maguire?”

  “Sure, everybody knows Nick,” Sam said. “He’s a regular down here every season. Actually, his boat raced in our heat today.”

  “Who won?” Candace asked.

  “Neither of us, some crew out of New Orleans. Are you ready for another?” Sam gestured at her empty beer bottle.

  Candace was shocked to see that she’d finished her entire beer. How much time had elapsed? She felt dizzy. “Thanks, but I should find my friends.”

  “I think your friends left,” Sam said.

  Candace frantically scanned the bar, the beach, the pool. She didn’t recognize anyone. “Where did they go?”

  “They got in a taxi. Don’t you have a cell phone?”

  “I don’t have service down here,” Candace said, starting to panic.

  “Relax, we’ll find them. Come with me.”

  “Um, maybe I should wait here. They’ll probably be back.”

  “There are only two other bars on this beach. They have to be at one of them. C’mon, we can walk down by the water.”

  Sensing her discomfort, Sam gestured to an older woman sitting at the bar. “Judy! Jude, come here and meet . . . I forgot your name?”

  “Candace.”

  “Right, Candace. Can I call you Candy?”

  “People do,” Candace said.

  Judy walked over and put her arm around Sam’s waist.

  “This old coot bothering you, honey?” Judy said.

  “No, it’s fine,” said Candace.

  “Candy here has lost her friends and I thought we could help her find them. They must have gone down the beach,” Sam said.

  “Who’s your friend?” Judy said.

  “Nick Maguire? His sister, Molly, is my roommate at school,” Candace said.

  “Oh sure, everybody knows Nick, he’s the kid who always has the Oxy, right?” Judy said to Sam. “C’mon, Candy, we’ll help you find him.”

  The three of them set off walking down the beach, arm in arm, and it wasn’t long before Candace heard voices that she recognized. They were coming from a dark huddle around a bonfire. The glow of the fire illuminated their faces, and Candace saw Danilo with his arms around a girl she didn’t recognize. As she got closer, she saw that he had his hand inside her shorts and she was limp, maybe even unconscious. Candace suddenly felt sick and her legs buckled.

  “Whoa, Candy!” said Judy. “Hang in there. Are you feeling sick? Do you need to sit down?”

  “I think I need to go back to the yacht club and wait for Molly there,” Candace said. “She’ll probably be looking for me.”

  “Sure, kid,” Sam said. Sam and Judy exchanged looks over Candace’s head.<
br />
  They escorted Candace back to the bar where she plopped down, heavily, onto a stool, buried her head in her arms and sobbed.

  “It’s okay, kid, your friends will come back. Don’t cry.” Judy rubbed Candace’s back, trying to soothe her.

  “Can I get you something, honey?” Sam said.

  Candace lifted her head. “I want one of those rum drinks. Something sweet and sticky.”

  “Thatta girl, now you’re talking. Rudy!” Sam waved at the bartender. “Goombay Smash for our friend Candy here.”

  The drink tasted like fruit juice and Candace gulped it down. As she set the empty glass down on the bar, the room suddenly seemed to get dimmer. Sam and Judy were saying something that she couldn’t quite make out. It sounded like they were talking to her through a pillow.

  “I need to find the bathroom,” Candace said, pushing herself up on her wobbly legs. “Where is the bathroom?” Candace navigated the crowd slowly, trying not to stumble or bump into anything.

  Once inside the stall, she sat on the toilet, doubled over, waiting for the room to stop spinning. It didn’t, so she lay down on the floor of the stall and moaned a little as she savored the coolness of the tile. I’ll just lie here for a few minutes and then I’ll feel better, she thought. She didn’t have the strength to pull herself to her knees as the nausea rolled over her. She leaned forward on her elbows and retched on the floor. Three, four times, until she was dry heaving. She heard Judy’s voice outside the toilet stall.

  “Are you okay, Candy? Can I come in?” Judy said.

  “Um, give me a minute. I just need to lie her for another minute.”

  “Sam is getting us a cab, you’re coming home with me,” Judy said.

  “Thank you,” Candace said in a whisper.

  The cab driver had to stop twice on the way to Judy’s motel to let Candace lean out the door to puke. Finally, they pulled into the car park and Sam and Judy each took an arm and helped Candace stumble inside and onto the couch.

  The sun shone brightly through the sliding glass door when Candace awoke.

  “What time is it?” Candace said.

  A voice behind her said, “Morning, sunshine, how are you feeling today?”

  “Sam?” Candace said. He sounded different sober.

  “It’s after one. The morning racers are already back at the club. Do you want to get cleaned up and go find your friends?”

  Do I? Candace wasn’t sure. They aren’t really my friends, and Danilo isn’t really my boyfriend.

  “Actually, I think I’d like to go home,” Candace said. “Do you know where I left my luggage?”

  “Rudy brought it over after he closed up last night. You left it in the check room.”

  “Can I get a ride to the airport? I’ll wait there until I can catch a flight back to Boston,” Candace said.

  “I think there’s a couple of flights this afternoon. Maybe to New York?” Sam said.

  “Close enough!” Candace said.

  The story Candace told everyone was that she caught a fever in the Bahamas and was rushed to the hospital and had to be medevaced back to the States.

  Molly looked at her funny, but didn’t press for more details. Danilo acted like nothing had ever happened. Like she had not disappeared in the Bahamas without a trace. As far as she could tell, there had been no search effort, no frantic calls to her parents. It was like she had never even been there.

  Nine

  * * *

  CANDACE AVOIDED BEING ALONE WITH DANILO AND WAS no longer meeting him for lunch in the cafeteria or to study in the library. And he didn’t seek her out. It seemed like the previous three months had never happened—as if she had imagined the whole thing. Candace checked his status updates on Facebook on a weekly basis but he wasn’t very active and his relationship status remained Single.

  Has he just been using me this whole time? Meanwhile all my summer clothes from last year seem too tight. Even my underwear seems too small.

  “I don’t understand it,” Candace moaned to Molly. “I don’t eat anything! What did I eat yesterday? A hard-boiled egg and an apple? Why can’t I lose weight?”

  “Danilo hasn’t been around much lately,” Molly said.

  “No.” Candace hesitated. Should I tell Molly what I saw in the Bahamas, or stick with my fever story?

  “Has he said anything about the prom?” said Molly.

  “I’m not sure I want to go.” Candace said. “I’m too fat!”

  “Oh, c’mon, it’s our senior year,” Molly said. “You don’t want to miss the dance. Let’s check out the stores on Main this afternoon.”

  After class, Molly and Candace walked across the Meadow toward Main Street. Candace brooded, wanting to say something to Molly about being abandoned in Nassau. What kind of friend is she? But she knew that Molly would deny everything and accuse Candace of being judgmental and standoffish with the Paulie girls.

  Thank God it’s almost over, Candace thought. In two weeks I can say goodbye to all of this and never have to see any of them, ever again.

  As they entered the dress shop, an older woman greeted them, about her mother’s age, and Candace thought about Mommy’s dress shop in Back Bay and what it would be like to have her mother wait on her. She shuddered at the thought.

  “Prom dress? I’m Nancy, let me know if you need any help,” the saleswoman said.

  Molly made a beeline to the back of the store toward the couture display. Candace approached Nancy and lowered her voice.

  “I seem to have put on some weight this semester and I’m not even sure what size I am. I need something that won’t make me look fat,” Candace said.

  Nancy furrowed her brow. “Yes, of course. Something flattering,” she said.

  “Why don’t you have a seat in the dressing room? Would you like some water?”

  “Yes, please.” Candace collapsed gratefully into the upholstered chair in the dressing room. She was surrounded by mirrors. Viewing her bulges from three sides simultaneously filled her with loathing. I can’t go to the prom looking like this, she thought.

  Nancy came in with three gowns in muted tones of blue and plum and a bottle of Poland Spring. “Your friend has found some lovely things,” she said.

  “Super,” Candace grunted.

  “Here, I brought a few ideas. Why don’t you try these on and see what you think?” Nancy hung the dresses on the wall and gently shut the door.

  Candace fingered the tag on a royal blue dress. Size eighteen? Four hundred dollars? Seriously? I’ll look like a beached whale, she thought. Why would I want to spend that kind of money on a size-eighteen dress that I’ll never wear again? Clearly she was in no mood to even think about going to any stupid prom.

  Candace walked out of the dressing room without trying anything on.

  “Nothing worked?” Nancy said.

  “Exactly,” said Candace. “But thank you for the water. Tell Molly I’ll see her back at the dorm.”

  Candace shuffled down the path, kicking at stones and wishing she were invisible. As she approached the campus clinic, she noticed that the door was propped open and a tripod held a poster offering free STD screenings. She hesitated, then walked in.

  Candace sat on the exam table swinging her legs to and fro as she waited for the nurse to come back with the results of her urine test.

  A knock on the door and the nurse entered. Candace read her name tag: Jenny.

  “Ms. Parker, I have the results of your tests. You’re pregnant,” Nurse Jenny said.

  “Pregnant?” Candace gasped.

  “Yes. Do you remember the first day of your last period?”

  “Winter break,” Candace said.

  “February?” Nurse Jenny was fiddling with an app on her iPad.

  “Yes, but I never even had sex until the first weekend in March,” Candace said.

  Nurse Jenny fiddled with her iPad some more. “Okay, that puts you at approximately twelve weeks. We’ll schedule an ultrasound and the doctor will be a
ble to give you a better idea of how far along you are.”

  Candace was silently crying.

  Nurse Jenny handed her a box of tissues. “Do you want me to call someone, dear?”

  Who would I call? Candace thought. Surely not Danilo. It would be so humiliating to have to explain to him that I’m pregnant. After I told him that I was using protection. Oh, God! This is all my fault. What will Daddy say? Mommy will disown me.

  “Should I take off the patch?” Candace said, weakly.

  “Patch?”

  “My birth control patch,” Candace said.

  “Yes, you’re probably overdosing on estrogen right now, which might explain the rapid weight gain,” Nurse Jenny said, handing her a form. “Take this to the receptionist and she’ll schedule the ultrasound. You have time to decide what you want to do. There are online support groups for pregnant teens that you should check out.”

  Candace shook her head. “I’m going home next week after graduation. I’d rather go to my doctor in Boston.”

  “That’s fine,” Nurse Jenny said.

  The week flew by. While Molly and the other girls got all dolled up and went to the prom, Candace hid out in the library and watched movies on her laptop. Sara and her parents came up for graduation and Candace refused to take off her commencement gown the entire weekend, grateful for the generous folds that hid her expanding waistline. On the drive home, Daddy chattered on about Princeton while Mommy kept dropping hints about joining a gym. Candace put on her headphones to drown them out.

  Where was Danilo? she brooded. He wasn’t even at graduation. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye. Screw him!

  Summer in Boston was the worst, hot and humid. Candace’s thighs stuck together when she walked, so mostly she stayed in her room, watching videos on her computer with the window A/C unit cranked up to high. Then she remembered Nurse Jenny urging her to check out Facebook to find other girls. She logged into Facebook and started searching and quickly found a page called Nine Months. She scrolled through the posts and checked out the profiles. Luciana was fourteen and wasn’t sure who the father was. Jasmine was a nineteen-year-old college freshman from New Jersey. Aleecia was fifteen and Shawna and Isabella were both eighteen and their boyfriends were planning to marry them. Candace scrolled past those because she knew Danilo was never going to marry her.